She returned home and went on with her usual routine to work and back etc. She never mentioned anything to me – not a word about what God told her or her battle. Things went on as always, but not leaving it there, she still continued in her battle with God about what He told her in Knysna. One morning in her quiet time with Jesus, her battle continued as before, this time she was desperate and told Jesus that she can't take this anymore – ‟what should I do?" "Please Jesus, if this is the way to go – the amputation, please give me confirmation that I would know it's the right thing to do, and that's it's from You – I need a clear answer – guide me like a child. I want You to put for example an Apple in front of me and I will know it's an Apple."
I tell you, we serve an Awesome and Amazing God!!! During the day at work, she continued with her battle – suddenly she had to do something she usually never does, and the reason why she had to do it is still unknown. She had to go to another woman's office and in her mind she asked God to show her (the Apple). When she walked into this woman's office, there was nobody there, but on the table laid an open newspaper (Beeld) – open in the middle and a huge ½ page full color photo of a guy on two prosthetic legs (both above knee amputations). She was so overwhelmed and basically shocked and she burst out in tears as she looked straight at this huge photo in front of her. What an Awesome God we serve – what an answer! God is great!
She had her confirmation that it was surely from God and the right thing to do – God answered her, but still the issue remained of the messenger. Again her battle continued that she can't be the one to tell me – and then her battle began even tighter with God. In tears she could not stop thanking God for the Awesome way He answered her like a child – something she never expected. "Thank You Lord, thank You so much, but what do I do now? How do I tell Francois – I can't tell him – please, what do I do? – Please help me" She had a heavy battle with this, although she was so overwhelmed by God and His presence – not being able to thank Him enough. This was a Wednesday. She had this long and hard battle and I never knew a thing about it. It was her battle. What an Awesome God we serve!
And again I can say – what an Awesome God! In the meantime, at home minding my own business – I just finished my daily duties on MyPrayer Ministries – it was around 4 the afternoon. I went for a bath, and just when I prepared to get out – I used my leg to lift me out of the bath – it just flashed so strongly through my mind – ‟Shouldn't I amputate my other leg as well?" ‟Wouldn't it be easier?" Immediately I rejected the thoughts but they came so strong and I said: ‟Okay God, I don't know - let me think about it, but if it is from You, please give me confirmation about this." In a way that I can't explain, I had some kind of exiting feeling about this, but on the other hand I still tried to reject the thought. I can't explain what I felt and what I experienced.
After I got dressed, I did something I also never do. It was a Wednesday and my Fiance and I have an agreement that we see each other on Thursday's – when she comes to visit me after work, and then on Weekends I go to visit her. Difficult to explain, it just came up in my heart to go over to my fiance just to get a hug and then return. I thought I would just go over; surprise her with a hug and that will be it.
Amazingly, God works in mysterious ways. Me rejecting the thoughts, she having her own battle on the other side, and no-one says a word to the one another. She came home after work; she took the newspaper with her, still not knowing what to do. At home she had put the newspaper away and went on with her conversation with God. "Okay God, thank You again, everything is great – You are awesome – I have my confirmation and I know what I know, but still, what do I do now? I can't be the one to tell Francois! – it should come to him in another way – please work in his heart – I can't be the messenger."
Getting desperate and still not figured out what to do, she told God: "Okay Lord, if Francois comes around tonight I will just put the newspaper in front of him and maybe his heart will open and maybe he will think." Not that he will come around because it's Wednesday! Oh what a Great God! In the meantime I were on my way to her – it takes me around 25 minutes in my wheelchair to get to her house. She not knowing I am on my way, and I not knowing what is going on at her side. I'm excited, not really knowing why, and she's fighting a battle.