The next minute I rang the bell... She opened up and very surprised, kind of shocked: "Hello, this is a surprise, what are you doing here?" ‟Hi, I just wanted to come and say hello quickly – I missed you and I just wanted to give you a hug and then I'm off again." ‟Wow, well, don't you want to come in for coffee?" ‟Uhm, okay why not?" I went in and we just had a general chat while she made coffee. She told me all about how great God is – ‟He is just Amazing" she said, and I agreed, but she didn't give a reason – just in general I thought. Suddenly she said: "I have to tell you something – I don't know how, but I can't keep this any longer." She knew what she had to do because she told God that if I came around that night, that she will put the newspaper in front of me and open it at the page where the photo was. Still not knowing what she wanted to tell me - she had put her arms around me, and suddenly my bathroom thoughts jumped right into my head again, so strongly and with so much peace – and I felt in my heart that I just had to share it with her immediately before I change my mind – I just had to get it out.
With her arms still around me, she again said: ‟I have to tell you something but I don't know how." I also told her that I needed to tell her something. And so it started. "What is it?" I asked. "No, tell me yours first" she said, and so it went on, "no you first", "no you first" etc. Before I could think it just came out of my mouth: "I think I should amputate my leg!" I said. "What?" she asked. And why I said it I still don't know – it just came out. How could I have guessed what she was battling with and what she wanted to tell or show me? She just went down on her knees and started crying. I was so confused not knowing what was going on because I didn't know what she had on her heart – she still hasn't told me her side. For about 10 minutes she could not say a word – every time I asked her "what's wrong?" she just said "You will not understand, this can't be – it's not possible!" She repeated that sentence about 8 times through her tears. "God is so awesome" she said.
When she finally calmed down a bit I again asked her what was wrong, but she only said that I won't believe her if she told me. "Try me" I said. She just went out of the kitchen and came back with the newspaper in her hand. She opened it up and put it down on the table in front of me and said: "Look there!" "Wow" I said, but still a little confused and for a second or two I was blank – not really realizing what I was suppose to make of this picture. Then suddenly it struck me and "Wow, Amazing – look at this" was all I could say. Still catching her breath after her crying episode, she started telling me the whole story from the beginning – how she walked on the beach and how things started to happen – her battle with the Lord, her questions, her struggles and conversations etc. "Why did you really come here tonight, and why tonight of all nights?" She asked me, "its Wednesday you know," she added. "I know its Wednesday," I replied, I just wanted to see you quickly and give you a hug – that's all."
"O our Father is so Awesome!" she said. Then she told me all about her battle of not being the messenger, but also out of desperation asked God that if I came around that specific evening, that she would know that she had no other choice – on the other hand knowing that I wouldn't come as we never see each other on Wednesdays. This is just how wonderful and un-explainable Awesome our God is – He works in mysterious ways! He knew everything and had everything worked out in advance. He had the whole meeting organized, us not knowing anything at all. He answered both our prayers at the same time, in the same way, and gave us both our final confirmation about what to do. "Then we'll do it" I said.
If God answers you in such a way, it's very hard to explain in words the absolute peace and awesomeness that fills your heart – just knowing what you know what you know is the right thing to do. It can't be put down into words. Yes, still it was a scary decision, even knowing what you know what you know! It felt kind of creepy in my heart and fear started running through me – a lot of questions followed in my heart. "Okay, now what? When? Where? What if etc...?" After all it was a part of my body that we were talking about and I have already been through this ordeal before, and it wasn't easy. Although my right leg (knee) was stiff in one position it was perfectly healthy otherwise – it also helped me a lot with certain things I did. I stepped on it to help lift myself into and out of the bath, on and of the toilet, into and out of a car, when I got dressed; I just sat forward on my wheelchair, stepped on my foot to keep my balance, it helped me lift myself, moving around etc. When I looked down at my lap, I couldn't imagine myself with 2 stumps. As a human, all these things crossed my mind and resulted in some fear even though I had peace that it was the right thing to do.